How to Get Out of Conflicts Properly: 4 Best Tips From Psychologists
Good relationships with friends and colleagues create a favorable and comfortable atmosphere. We can always be sure of help, support, and our pastime will always be pleasant and fun.
However, along with the positive, there are negative situations. When there are different opinions, attitudes toward certain events, or other points of view, there is conflict. Because of it, we can lose a loved one, lose a job, or miss an opportunity to create a business. Solving conflicts can get as easy as playing at a live casino online for real money.
These tips will help in such situations.
Structure of the Conflict
Conflict, like a battle, has a beginning, a development and an end. Often in the course of the confrontation, all participants become aggressive. People often turn to accusations, insults, and attempts to incriminate their opponent.
Conflict is always about the divergence of interests, about the struggle of boundaries between the participants.
In other words, it’s almost always a “you-message” format, when accusations against the other person begin. In conflicts, people often talk specifically about their opponent and not about themselves: “you’re doing everything wrong, and I’m…”; “how many times can I explain to you how you don’t understand…”; “why can’t you hear me?”
Such phrases are almost always regarded as an attack, from which you want to defend yourself and sometimes attack back.
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Don’t Try to Change Your Opponent
Often people behave irrationally, guided by fixed interests and principles. It happens that such behavior becomes almost a norm of interpersonal relations and the main style of finding out the truth. This depends on the cultural and intellectual level of particular individuals.
The first rule in an argument is to treat yourself stricter and more demanding, and the other person more lenient and merciful. Nobility, reason, and conscience are manifested in this position. Controversial situations in which “there is no way out” are psychopathic reactions or psychopathic behavior.
For example, one of the parties doesn’t hear or doesn’t want to hear the opponent, doesn’t consider the arguments. Dialogue or reasonable conversation in this case doesn’t occur, and irritation grows instead. Another “hopeless situation” is an attempt to change the partner, to make him or her live, think, and feel differently.
If you want to change something in an interpersonal relationship, you should start with yourself. When you can’t come to terms with your shortcomings, it’s better to distance yourself and stop communicating, but not to try to re-educate someone.
Talk About Yourself
You should start with yourself, speak in “me-messages,” about your feelings, your experiences, and your opinions. Inform or warn your opponent without attacking. This is a great way to find a compromise. For example, you can try starting with: “I think this situation should be handled differently”; “I don’t like it when you raise your voice”; “I wish we had resolved the issue differently”.
In this case, you stay within your own boundaries without violating someone else’s. And so the conflict will be leveled.
If you understand that you are obviously right, use irrefutable and high-quality arguments, present them without attacking your opponent. If you feel that you lose in the conflict, act on the basis of maintaining a sense of dignity, assess the consequences and the possible moral damage. The best way out of a contentious situation is to use “self-messages” and stop the conflict in time.
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Seek Allies and Compromise
In any conflict situation, try not to remain alone, try to find supporters who will be interested in resolving the conflict.
If there are disagreements with colleagues, seek help from those who will understand and support you. If you suffer from a neighbor, unite with other tenants who will take your side. Simply put, look for allies.
Also try to offer a compromise that would suit all involved. You should always be clear about the reason for the conflict and formulate a compromise. All conflicts arise because the alternatives are either not expressed, or don’t suit the participants. In the second case, if no common solution can be found, it’s best to distance yourself.
Assess the risks and consequences of conflict. If victory isn’t critical for you, sometimes the decision to simply give in will be useful: to ignore provocation, to be silent, to leave.
Sometimes the reason for conflict is not the subject of the dispute. Therefore, the most important rule in resolving a conflict between close people is to be frank. It’s necessary to speak honestly about your thoughts and clearly understand the cause-and-effect relationship of the conflict.